How often do you stand at your fence and chat to a neighbour? How often do you pop next door for a warm drink and a chat? If you are like most people you probably don’t. While neighbourly chats are not extinct anecdotal evidence suggests they are becoming a rarity. Parents are more likely to spend their afternoons running their children to and from various after-school activities than watching them play with the kids next door.
In fact chatting with one’s neighbours or catching up for coffee is viewed by those who hold the notion of “busy-ness” in high esteem as a luxury or not.real.work. But in fact it plays an important social role. Connectedness with people who live around you is part of living; if it is not seen as valued activity then other social necessities may be lost. Social necessities such as knowing whether someone is away, whether they are ill, whether they are lonely or whether they know about a great builder, dentist, doctor or soccer team are all vital components of our lives.
This is all about really living and not just existing.
I am one of the lucky ones to have experienced chatting over the back fence in the 21st century. I live in a cul de sac with fabulous neighbours. One neighbour in particular has children of similar age to mine and over the past three years we have lived the 1950s TV Lifestyle where the mums chat over the back fence, borrow cups of sugar and watch their offspring race from house to house. But I know I am in the minority.
It is no surprise then that journal-style blogging and other forms of social networking have taken off. We humans crave connectedness and many of these environments, particularly the “mom blogs”, are the cyberspace equivalent of chatting over the fence; such is the sense of community created. To the uninitiated this is difficult to explain. Why would you want to talk to people you don’t know and have never met? How can you feel you have a relationship with them? Isn’t this only for the lonely?
Well no. These blogs often contain the sort of quiet ‘chat’ that one would have casually with a neighbour. Pictures of vegie gardens may be shown, or of a recently knitted item. A daughter’s exam results may be celebrated, or a toddler’s funny conversation or mishap re-told. In some cases bloggers reveal their struggles with an ill partner, parent or child; or perhaps their own illness. If these blogs are well structured and well written they will develop an audience, or become part of a circle of bloggers who all visit and comment; thus becoming a community.
Jo from Jelly Baby Blog some time ago commented on the phenomenon beautifully:
I have been writing to a personal blog for 18 months. I have a wide circle of friends in my own community and a supportive family and I am not at all lonely. But blogging has re-introduced me to knitting, to want to be more adventurous with my cooking, to read a wider variety of books and to understand that although we all come from such varied places and backgrounds around Australia and the world we are also so much the same. It’s a world-wide neighbourhood with the feeling of local connectedness.
But is cyberspace really the true equivalent of chatting over the back fence? Two days ago the neighbours with whom we shared the 1950s TV-style Lifestyle with had to move. As I stare across the yard towards their now empty house I realise that online social networking is great, but chatting over the back fence in person is something I’m going to sorely miss.
I really hope a new family moves in soon.
How about you? Do you chat to your neighbours? Or is cyberspace more your cup of tea?
In fact chatting with one’s neighbours or catching up for coffee is viewed by those who hold the notion of “busy-ness” in high esteem as a luxury or not.real.work. But in fact it plays an important social role. Connectedness with people who live around you is part of living; if it is not seen as valued activity then other social necessities may be lost. Social necessities such as knowing whether someone is away, whether they are ill, whether they are lonely or whether they know about a great builder, dentist, doctor or soccer team are all vital components of our lives.
This is all about really living and not just existing.
I am one of the lucky ones to have experienced chatting over the back fence in the 21st century. I live in a cul de sac with fabulous neighbours. One neighbour in particular has children of similar age to mine and over the past three years we have lived the 1950s TV Lifestyle where the mums chat over the back fence, borrow cups of sugar and watch their offspring race from house to house. But I know I am in the minority.
It is no surprise then that journal-style blogging and other forms of social networking have taken off. We humans crave connectedness and many of these environments, particularly the “mom blogs”, are the cyberspace equivalent of chatting over the fence; such is the sense of community created. To the uninitiated this is difficult to explain. Why would you want to talk to people you don’t know and have never met? How can you feel you have a relationship with them? Isn’t this only for the lonely?
Well no. These blogs often contain the sort of quiet ‘chat’ that one would have casually with a neighbour. Pictures of vegie gardens may be shown, or of a recently knitted item. A daughter’s exam results may be celebrated, or a toddler’s funny conversation or mishap re-told. In some cases bloggers reveal their struggles with an ill partner, parent or child; or perhaps their own illness. If these blogs are well structured and well written they will develop an audience, or become part of a circle of bloggers who all visit and comment; thus becoming a community.
Jo from Jelly Baby Blog some time ago commented on the phenomenon beautifully:
“There are many reasons why I keep a blog, but one of the nicest aspects are the comments that I receive, some are supportive, some have great tips, and some have me laughing out loud ... but mostly they make me feel like I am part of something, a community of people who all have something in common ~ and it's something different with each one of you”
I have been writing to a personal blog for 18 months. I have a wide circle of friends in my own community and a supportive family and I am not at all lonely. But blogging has re-introduced me to knitting, to want to be more adventurous with my cooking, to read a wider variety of books and to understand that although we all come from such varied places and backgrounds around Australia and the world we are also so much the same. It’s a world-wide neighbourhood with the feeling of local connectedness.
But is cyberspace really the true equivalent of chatting over the back fence? Two days ago the neighbours with whom we shared the 1950s TV-style Lifestyle with had to move. As I stare across the yard towards their now empty house I realise that online social networking is great, but chatting over the back fence in person is something I’m going to sorely miss.
I really hope a new family moves in soon.
How about you? Do you chat to your neighbours? Or is cyberspace more your cup of tea?
13 comments:
I get along with my neighbours on one side, but I rarely see them. I work all week, and they're a very sporty family who are out playing hockey, footie and cricket all weekend. On the other side is a migrant family whose kids go to the school I teach at. When they hit year 11 I'll be teaching them ESL so I don't want to blur that teacher/neighbour line. Mainly my interaction comes form work. I love the blog because over time people DO develop into friends.
Envying your 1950s TV-style Lifestyle. Maybe I'll move in next door!
Cyberspace is my back fence. If it weren't for the blogosphere, I'd have nearly no social life. Sad but true.
I think a bit of both is good. I get on with the neighbours on one side too (not the other!) but we don't see them much, usually when we have lost a rabbit.LOL On the other side of the road however we have great friends that we swap keys with, feed each other's pets, my kids babysit their kids and so on. Cyberspace is great but it doesn't help much when you've locked yourself out or left the iron on when you've gone to work. Must be brilliant for people who are geographically isolated though.
we've been so lucky to have both, we have brilliant neighbours who we chat both over the back fence, and in each others houses while we share a cup of tea... then there are the wonderful connections that I have made in cyberspace that have now become real-life friends who I catch up with, in person, each week... and that's not even mentioning the blogs that I visit and comment on, and the connections that I have with those people that I have never actually met in person.
I think that there is space for both, as a stay-at-home Mum of small children the internet has made it so much easier to find like-minded people in similar (and sometimes not so similar) circumstances ~ but the cups of tea and play-dates with friends, family and neighbours are also so vital in maintaining a balanced and fulfilling social life.
Definately there is room for both... and I hope that you have another wonderful family move in next door soon :D
Not having lived in a house since I moved out of home, sometime way back when (in a galaxy far, far away) I always made a point of introducing myself & getting to know my neighbours.
In my last block of flats they were always moving - lots of uni students - but some of them I still have occasional contact with, even though I've moved on myself.
I'm now in a place where most own their flats, and we help each other out with little things like putting bins out/in when others are away (they were a great help when I was on crutches), accepting parcels when I'm not home & the like. You can't beat the security of all your neighbours KNOWING who's supposed to be on your balcony and who isn't.
Even so, I still love cyberspace. I can chat with friends in the US, my brother in Denmark, keep in touch with family/friends back home when I'm away... You can't beat it for convenience, except nobody's come up with the equivalent of sharing a cup of tea/coffee yet I don't think?
We live on a farm so our nearest neighbour is definitely a "get in the car to drive to" away. So for me blogs are an absolute godsend in the needed "connectiveness". However, I do still long for the "chatting over a coffee" type relationships that can't quite be had through blogs. I think they both have their place.
You know, I must be really slow.... I just figured out who you are because I thought I was having de-ja-vue reading this.
I think cyberspace has its place, but for all you know, you could be actually talking to your neighbour in cyberspace, yet never said a word to them in person....
We live on a farm, but have another house next to us, we chat, BBQ occasionally with the old guy who lives there.
Where we currently live, everyone has high front fences and automatic garage doors. You drive in, close the door behind you and shut out the street. So we have only a fleeting acquaintance with our neighbours. We smile, we wave...but that's about it. Where we are moving to, on the other hand, has a reputation for being a bit more of an open and neighbourly community. I will let you know if that is true.
What I like about the blogging community is exactly what you describe - the 'quiet chat' of day to day events. The celebration of the ordinary (and I don't mean that as a derogatory statement - quite the opposite.)
However, I think good 'real-life' neighbours are hard to beat.
I do chatting over the fence, at church, etc. etc. It is very important to have a good mix. Blogging and internet are very convenient forms of communicating for me. If I have a sleepless night, I can browse around the world and not have to disturb anyone. I have never been real fond of long phone conversations. I try to keep my neighborly conversations, neighborly. I always try to convey that they can count on me in a second if needed. But I don't drink and party with them. Great topic!
Both, actually.
Not bad for an anti-social person.
I'm also one for the drop in. The idea of having to make an appointment to see a friend makes me sad, though it's often the case, these days. People are so time-poor.
One of our neighbours is a lovely old couple. We often stop for a chat with them in the street. The other side is a house which has had a steady steam of tenants. We introduce ourselves and wave from the driveway, but that's all.
I do think that the blogging community links like-minded people. I do see it as a social network. It is a privelege to be allowed into the lives of others via this medium.
As everyone has said I think a little of both kinds of community is a great thing. I am lucky to have lovely neighbours who I am fast developing a borrow a cup of sugar type relationship with. It's extremely comforting to know (particularly since I'm on my own) that I could pop over there in an emergency and they would help me out.
A lot of people don't have that luxury so I think blogging can really fill a void. When I lived overseas I was very isolated from my neighbours even though the houses were very close together. Blogging was invaluable in giving me a connection with other like-minded people.
I love the quote from Jo - it's so true that blogging has given me a sense of community and I love that it can bring together and bond people with all sorts of different things in common.
I hope you get nice new neighbours soon. :)
The blogging is good for me, but the real-life neighbours with matching kids that we had for a year was just fab for the family. The kids loved it, and so did we. Luckily they didn't move far and our existing neighbours are perfectly nice, just not as nicely perfect for us as Crafty's mob.
Post a Comment