I'm just so busy being busy.

Well before our time, during the Victorian era, a leisured life was something to aspire to. The amount of time a Victorian gentleman could devote to unpaid pursuits was an indication of his social status.

Now, it seems the amount we do and the hours it takes us to do it are instead the status symbols. “Being busy” has replaced “being useful” as a measure of an individual’s self-worth.

I’ve noticed this particularly in the language we use to describe ourselves. Until fairly recently, the expected response to the question, “How are you?” would be something along the lines of:

Very well, thank you.
Fine, thanks, and you?
Not bad, mate.
or even,
Good. Accompanied by determined nodding of the head. (Let’s not start on the grammatical merits of this choice!)

There is however, a creeping tendency for all of the above to be replaced by:

I'm so BUSY.
Keeping busy.
You know, busy as always.

In fact, “How are you?” is also in danger of being made obsolete by the query, “So. Are you busy?”

Busy has become a highly desired state of being.

How many e-mails start with the line, “Sorry I've taken so long to get back to you, I've been busy with [insert appropriate activity here]”?

Busy is worn as badge of honour. There is a degree of smugness accompanying the use of the busy descriptor when it’s used to decline a request for assistance: "I'm sorry I can't help you organise Christmas lunch for 50 of our closest family and friends. I'm just too busy at the moment. How about I bring some Christmas crackers?"

The implication is, “I have important activities to do, and what you request of me is frivolous.”

Let’s face it, we’re all busy. We all have the same number of hours to fill in a day, and we all fill them. If some people choose to spend most of those hours watching television and sleeping, then they are still busy - with their own priorities.

Telling someone you are too busy to do what they request of you is an attempt to illicit agreement from the requester that your own activity is of greater importance than theirs, or to denigrate the value of the activity you have been requested to complete.

A more honest response would be, “I know that spending time with our families during the Festive season is important to you, but I have higher priorities at the moment.”

Try replacing the word busy with the term “out of control”.

Now, being busy doesn't look like such a desirable state of being, does it? It means you haven’t planned and prioritized your day.

So to test a pet theory, I devoted an entire week to declaring a state of non-busy-ness. Every time I was asked how I was, I replied that I was very well thank you, and had everything under control.

When my osteopath asked, “How's your week? Busy?” I replied, “No. Not at all.”

In doing so I discovered a sure-fire way to kill any conversation.

Try it out. Next time you’re asked, “Are you busy?” watch the tailspin the questioner goes into when you respond, “No, not at all. I have stuff on, but it’s all under control.”

It’s just unacceptable for you not to be BUSY and it leaves nowhere for the small talk to go!

When my daughters asked me to do something for them and I was otherwise engaged, I didn’t tell them I was busy, I said, “Sorry. I won’t do that right now. I am doing something else I would prefer to finish first.” This process really made me stop and think about which activity actually was the higher priority.

Without the catch-all ‘busy’ safety net to explain my actions (or inactions) I found I really had to examine my priorities.

The next time I’m asked if I’m busy, I may just reply, “No, I’m not. And how about you? Are you useful?”