DINNER BEING ANNOUNCED, the host offers his arm to, and places on his right hand at the dinner-table, the lady to whom he desires to pay most respect, either on account of her age, position, or from her being the greatest stranger in the party. If this lady be married and her husband present, the latter takes the hostess to her place at table, and seats himself at her right hand. The rest of the company follow in couples, as specified by the master and mistress of the house, arranging the party according to their rank and other circumstances which may be known to the host and hostess.
Isabella Beaton, The Book of Household Management, S. O. Beeton 1861
This is our dining arrangement. I sit in the closest chair, husband in the chair near the door,
daughter to the left, son to the right.
When dinner is announced at your house do you (a) grab the nearest chair (b) sit in the same seat you’ve sat in for the last 15 years or (c) grab the piece of couch closest to the remote?
Perhaps the last time you considered seating arrangements was when you were wondering how to seat Aunt Maude and distant cousin Reginald at your wedding so they wouldn’t cause a scene. But there was a time when sitting down to dinner involved time-honoured arrangements about who sat where. Father at the head, mother at the other end, children seen but not heard sitting somewhere between – or in some houses, up in the nursery eating bread and butter.
In our house we have set places to sit. This has evolved over time but in every home we have lived the seating has followed a similar pattern. That is, I – being the primary cook – sit in the seat closest to the kitchen. We have a round table so there is no ‘head’ of the table but even if we sit at our rectangular dining room the four of us will sit in the middle seats, with no-one at the ‘head’. I think I may be the only one in the family who cares about this.
Last week, at breakfast, my husband prepared a bowl of Weetbix and went straight to sit at my place at the table - closest to the kitchen - instead of walking around the table to sit closest to the outside door.
Quell horreur!
I asked him to move around to his normal place. I stated (I may have puffed my chest at this point) that, as the primary breakfast-getter and the one with the least amount of time to eat my food on account of having made the school lunches, packed the bags and prepared the children's breakfasts, I should sit in the seat closest to the kitchen. If I was quicker of thought I may also have pointed out that if he was in a chivalrous frame of mind he would sit closest to the door should any undesirable attempt to enter the kitchen (like gentlemen of the past walking on the road side of the footpath).
Was I being a little pedantic? A little unreasonable? Why should I have special dibs on that seat? It isn’t even the best seat at the table (that had been ‘baggsed’ four years ago by the eldest child).
If I look back to my childhood the seat closest to the kitchen has always been taken by my mother and it was she who primarily prepared . It makes sense to me that the food-preparer sit closest to his or her means of production.
My husband, for the record, looked at me as if I was mad, rolled his eyes and stood his ground. I noticed, however, the next day he sat in his normal seat.
Do you have set places to sit at dinner? Does your seating arrangement mirror that of your parents? Or perhaps, like some families, you have a regular rotation of seats to avoid all-out sibling war?
Perhaps the last time you considered seating arrangements was when you were wondering how to seat Aunt Maude and distant cousin Reginald at your wedding so they wouldn’t cause a scene. But there was a time when sitting down to dinner involved time-honoured arrangements about who sat where. Father at the head, mother at the other end, children seen but not heard sitting somewhere between – or in some houses, up in the nursery eating bread and butter.
In our house we have set places to sit. This has evolved over time but in every home we have lived the seating has followed a similar pattern. That is, I – being the primary cook – sit in the seat closest to the kitchen. We have a round table so there is no ‘head’ of the table but even if we sit at our rectangular dining room the four of us will sit in the middle seats, with no-one at the ‘head’. I think I may be the only one in the family who cares about this.
Last week, at breakfast, my husband prepared a bowl of Weetbix and went straight to sit at my place at the table - closest to the kitchen - instead of walking around the table to sit closest to the outside door.
Quell horreur!
I asked him to move around to his normal place. I stated (I may have puffed my chest at this point) that, as the primary breakfast-getter and the one with the least amount of time to eat my food on account of having made the school lunches, packed the bags and prepared the children's breakfasts, I should sit in the seat closest to the kitchen. If I was quicker of thought I may also have pointed out that if he was in a chivalrous frame of mind he would sit closest to the door should any undesirable attempt to enter the kitchen (like gentlemen of the past walking on the road side of the footpath).
Was I being a little pedantic? A little unreasonable? Why should I have special dibs on that seat? It isn’t even the best seat at the table (that had been ‘baggsed’ four years ago by the eldest child).
If I look back to my childhood the seat closest to the kitchen has always been taken by my mother and it was she who primarily prepared . It makes sense to me that the food-preparer sit closest to his or her means of production.
My husband, for the record, looked at me as if I was mad, rolled his eyes and stood his ground. I noticed, however, the next day he sat in his normal seat.
Do you have set places to sit at dinner? Does your seating arrangement mirror that of your parents? Or perhaps, like some families, you have a regular rotation of seats to avoid all-out sibling war?
12 comments:
We have a rectangular table. Until the youngsters arrived, I sat nearest the kitchen, as I cook most of the meals. However, now that we have one kid in a high chair and another learning how to use a fork properly, the youngest sit at each end (yes, they are our Lords and Masters) and the rest of us have set spots around the table, which never vary. J sits next to the youngest, to feed him, and I sit next to the Monkey, to control him.
Food of all varieties is banned in the lounge room. We try and eat every meal around the table as a family. With place settings. We bought an 88 piece antique cutlery set last week, and we intend to use it to the max. Lots of knives, forks and spoons, all laid out in the proper order.
An proper cloth napkins wherever possible.
LOL! This made me laugh as the position at the table seems to be SUCH a big deal for my boys!
I usually sit wherever they're NOT sitting... which is at one of the three places at the end of the dining table that is not covered with homework or sewing.
If I had my druthers though, I'd always sit at the place nearest the kitchen door. Probably because I'm the one who jumps up to get the salt and pepper or condiment that the child who's set the table has forgotten to put out.
We also have a very strict rule about only ever eating food at the table. And I love it that we eat every single evening meal sitting together at the table. I don't remember eating meals with my family while growing up, so it's a big deal for me.
When I cook I sit closest to the kitchen, when husband cooks he takes the seat closest to the kitchen. Whichever of us is not cooking sits at the opposite side of the table.
We have a small square table so the girls then take the two side seats. They often switch sides of the table that they sit on.
This works well as then husband and I can each help a child with any cutting or other needs during dinner.
We've been careful to avoid to much fixation on a seat belonging to a particular person. This is partially in relation to Heidi (our 4yo) being on the Autism Spectrum - we try to avoid getting her fixed into ridged patterns and encourage her to be more flexible.
We kept the same seats for years, and now whenever I go home to my parents' house I like to sit in the seat I always had. We're an odd-numbered family so I was always next to the empty chair at our rectangular table. It's perfect for some extra elbow room, and when we had a guest they were always seated next to me, which was fun.
When it was the seven of us, we each had our own place at the table, and we ate all our meals at the table. But, now we are back to just the two of us and we eat wherever we feel like it. On the porch, in front of the TV, in the bedroom if we so choose. When you no longer have children living with you, it is great eating wherever we feel like it.
I confess recently we've been eating far too many meals while seated on the couch. The TV is there, but that's not the main attraction. The TV is next to the heater, so if you sit on the couch you are directly opposite the heater. We do encourage use of the table for breakfast and lunch, but dinner with its associated end of the day tiredness is pretty slack. The other attraction of the couch is that the coffee table is the right height for the kid to sit at comfortably on his stool and there's a chance he might eat something. When we do eat dinner at the big(ger) table he tends to run around and resist eating anything at all.
We always sat in the same places when I was growing up, but the places changed after I left home, so I still sit in "my" spot when I visit, and one of my parents is always put out.
I like the seat near the heater, my youngest likes to sit next to me. But like you, I also have the seat nearest the kitchen because the day I get to eat dinner without jumping up at least once to get something is still somewhere in my future.
our table is rectangular and sits lengthways abutting the kitchen window (unless we have more than two visitors). No-one sits at the head and I have the seat that faces the clock as I am the one who has to leave on time for the bus in the morning. Grace sits next to me, beside the window, she likes to look out at the hot air ballons in the morning and play with her toys on the windowsill. Gerard sits opposite me, with his back to the stove which is actually our source of heating in the kitchen. We eat nearly every meal like this and I'm glad. Deciding not to eat in front of the telly was the best parenting/family decision we have made so far. he only thing is that Grace doesn't like it if guests sit in "her" chair. We tend to seat differently when we have visitors but it really upsets her, which is an interesting learning opportunity.
I love the view from our kitchen table, but I'm quite looking forward to the rennovation which will see a new dining room where our current lounge room is (it will still be very cosy) and proper heating. And room to fully expand the table for guests.
One of the biggest changes that came with the husband leaving the corporate world to become a self employed work from home type, was the move from meals eaten in shifts to a family, all together in the dining room at 6.30pm sharp dinner. (Phew, long sentence!!).
Therefore, dinner has become a big occasion with and strict seating arrangements. Younger son likes to sit near the crystal cabinet so he can look at himself in its mirrored back. Elder son likes to sit opposite is Dad so they can talk.
I am between boys to prevent arguments and husband is nearest the kitchen to get drinks as required.
The cat sits on a spare chair under the table.
We have a general free-for-all as far as seating goes. We not only swap around, we use different parts of the table randomly each meal.
It wasn't always like that. In our last house, we had to instigate a strict move-one-to-the-left each day rotation plan to prevent sibling warfare over who sat where. I think that experience broke the fixation over certain seats and now it's not an issue.
We have unofficial assigned seats and there is a panic if one sits elsewhere. Rob and I sit next to each other, and my seat is indeed closest to the kitchen. Occasionally I take the window seat... and I feel "off" while I eat.
It does seem that people want to claim their "seat". Especially the Moms and Dads and Grandpas and Grandmas. The Fathers of most families I have ever know claim a chair as "theirs" and everyone knows it.
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