Does dish-washing by hand improve family communication? It certainly does according to my friend Jane* who has noticed that she and her tween-age children talk more about their day since their automatic dishwasher broke down a week ago. The repair man is coming today but she’s considering not telling her children that the dishwasher is fixed.
In 2008 45% of Australian households owned a dishwasher, up from 25% in 1994. Of these 29% use their dishwasher daily. Daily dishwasher usage has decreased from 37% since 2002, however the number of people per household has also dropped in this time.
You will certainly find that almost all homes with large families would have a dishwasher and that following breakfast and the evening meal the dishwasher would be stacked and turned on before the children retire to bed. But what if instead of turning on the dishwasher the children stood in the kitchen with you and helped wash the dishes. I’m not talking about the children doing it by themselves but it being a social activity that ends the evening meal.
My friend Jane has been doing this for the last week and reports that social tension in her house has reduced. Instead of rushing to get the kids to bed after dinner she hands them a tea-towel each. On the first night she showed them good dish-drying technique that she explained was ‘handed down from her grandmother to her mother and from her mother to her’ and then they chatted as they dried the dishes.
Jane found that after a few minutes one child would fill the silence with a story from school, or from an after school activity, perhaps a worry, or perhaps just a comment. Once the wash up was done they saw the satisfaction of a job completed, of a kitchen in ‘default mode’ ready for the next morning and they were much calmer at bedtime and fell asleep more easily having discussed the issues of the day.
While dishwashers have been readily available to households since the 1920s they really only began to take off in the 1970s. So before our time, hand-washing was, for most, the only option. The time together at the sink that would have been a normal part of the day has largely disappeared along with eating together at the kitchen table.
There is a story of a couple who when asked the secret of their 60 year marriage replied “washing the dishes together every night”. This was the time they talked about their day or the issue of the moment or simply connected on whatever level they needed to that night (I wonder how different the relationship would’ve been if the dish-washing was seen as the job of one person to do on their own).
I have read many articles which declare that dishwashers are more environmentally friendly than hand-washing because they use less water and less detergent.** However, this argument doesn’t consider the cost to society of removing the natural points in the day when people come together to build social cohesion.
Now I know that many people loathe dish-washing but should we make a paradigm shift away from hand-washing as a chore to hand-washing as a way to relax after dinner? Take a leaf from great parties – we know one best parts of a party is when we gather in the kitchen to chat and debrief as we help the host wash up after the event.
Perhaps there really is something to family dish-washing. I may convince our family to give it a go. How about you?
In 2008 45% of Australian households owned a dishwasher, up from 25% in 1994. Of these 29% use their dishwasher daily. Daily dishwasher usage has decreased from 37% since 2002, however the number of people per household has also dropped in this time.
You will certainly find that almost all homes with large families would have a dishwasher and that following breakfast and the evening meal the dishwasher would be stacked and turned on before the children retire to bed. But what if instead of turning on the dishwasher the children stood in the kitchen with you and helped wash the dishes. I’m not talking about the children doing it by themselves but it being a social activity that ends the evening meal.
My friend Jane has been doing this for the last week and reports that social tension in her house has reduced. Instead of rushing to get the kids to bed after dinner she hands them a tea-towel each. On the first night she showed them good dish-drying technique that she explained was ‘handed down from her grandmother to her mother and from her mother to her’ and then they chatted as they dried the dishes.
Jane found that after a few minutes one child would fill the silence with a story from school, or from an after school activity, perhaps a worry, or perhaps just a comment. Once the wash up was done they saw the satisfaction of a job completed, of a kitchen in ‘default mode’ ready for the next morning and they were much calmer at bedtime and fell asleep more easily having discussed the issues of the day.
While dishwashers have been readily available to households since the 1920s they really only began to take off in the 1970s. So before our time, hand-washing was, for most, the only option. The time together at the sink that would have been a normal part of the day has largely disappeared along with eating together at the kitchen table.
There is a story of a couple who when asked the secret of their 60 year marriage replied “washing the dishes together every night”. This was the time they talked about their day or the issue of the moment or simply connected on whatever level they needed to that night (I wonder how different the relationship would’ve been if the dish-washing was seen as the job of one person to do on their own).
I have read many articles which declare that dishwashers are more environmentally friendly than hand-washing because they use less water and less detergent.** However, this argument doesn’t consider the cost to society of removing the natural points in the day when people come together to build social cohesion.
Now I know that many people loathe dish-washing but should we make a paradigm shift away from hand-washing as a chore to hand-washing as a way to relax after dinner? Take a leaf from great parties – we know one best parts of a party is when we gather in the kitchen to chat and debrief as we help the host wash up after the event.
Perhaps there really is something to family dish-washing. I may convince our family to give it a go. How about you?
*not her real name.
**look at example articles here and here. The arguments for the environmental status of dishwashers vs hand-washing is a little like the disposable vs cloth nappy argument – lots of passionate arguments but no real answers.
PS. This is our 50th Post. Thank you loyal readers for sticking with us this far!
20 comments:
I'm afraid that dish-washing ranks alongside floor-washing as my most hated of the regular, frequent and necessary chores of all time and can see no point in suffering if there's a viable alternative. I always saw a dishwasher as a rather prattish thing to have until I bought my first one nearly 30 years ago and have wished since that I'd done so many years previously. Between washers reminds me of the extra work hand-washing creates like more cleaning of the sink, more washing of the floor and more laundering of dish-towels never mind putting the dishes away and getting them out again to use. Our dishwasher acts like a cupboard for day-to-day, things going straight from it to the cooker or table. I'm afraid family washing-up just makes us all irritable and takes away from the time when we can relax happily and communicate together while the machine is doing it for us. It also washes them better than I can not least getting into the nooks and crannies that I can't. It's also better for cleaning the cooker hood filters, the chrome guards on gas fires, oven shelves and cooker parts, and a host of other household items. Is it significant that the first dishwasher was developed by a woman in the U.S.A. at the end of the 19th century? If I had a bigger kitchen, I'd have 2 as, with guests, I can't always get everything in at once. Life's too short to spend it washing dishes. There are too many other chores claiming our time as it is. When we have been on our Arctic expeditions, I have never, ever, not even for 1 second, missed anything at all – not even the dishwasher! – but that's what I have always enjoyed when I come back – a hot shower came 2nd! – as washing-up was my job sometimes having to break ice to do it. But I still hang my washing out and don't have a dryer through choice so I'm not a machine junkie!
This is fascinating! I would like to propose that we conduct an experiment. Family dishwashing for a week and report our results?
Abby has been begging to "help with the dishes" and was quite disappointed to end up simply stuffing things into the dishwasher. She adores water and soap and would LOVE to be in charge of washing. If I can talk her brother into doing the drying, I can do rinse detail.
The dishwasher (along with my robotic vacuum cleaner, Mrs Doubtfire) are the most loved things in my house. I love them more than my children.
Well.... almost....
The irony is of course that washing up is much faster than the dishwasher.
Me being me though I would constantly have a rack of dishes drying out on display and that would dement J ..
and as you know we do have two dishwashers..
I have witnessed the flip side of this... in that most friends I used to visit (and family members) "fights" usually happened during dish washing. Verbal bickering, maybe some thrown towels or water. Not all the time, of course, but many times. But I would agree with the idea of always trying to have dinner together and then everyone pitching in to clean up. It would be a great experiment to try these days. Congratulations on your 50th post. I enjoy your blog!
I've been longing for a dishwasher for some time. At the moment we have a small kitchen with a single sink, so the dishwasher as storage device for dirty stuff is high on my agenda. There're still things that wont go in the dishwasher when we get one (there's a family cast off headed our way as soon as we can borrow a ute) but I doubt there'll be family bonding over them. My partner's mother always thought dishwashing time was a good opportunity to ask him how he was feeling or have a Talk, and it's given him a horror of being spoken to at all while cleaning the kitchen.
So I leave him to it and get on with my knitting.
I think it is important to respect our childrens need to be useful around the house also.
We don't have a dishwasher so I involve my 4 and 5 year old in helping me with the dishes.
This teaches them that everyone gets involved in housework and by keeping up the positive praise and reinforcement that I respect their assistance.
That said I would love a dishwasher because then I'd have more time to do other things like vacuuming dead ants out of the bathtub each morning.
There is always chores that my children can help with, for now dishwashing and drying is the easiest.
We have not had a dishwasher for about five years now and I am not in a rush to get one again.
Although somedays we drag our feet to the kitchen after dinner, once we start, I really enjoy the time together. I will be involving my children in the 'ritual' when they are old enough.
I come from a family where you all pitched in with the washing up after a lunch or dinner (as in Christmas etc) but I am finding alot of gen-X and Y friends and visitors do not even offer to help with the washing up, nor do they take cups or plates to the sink.
Not a big deal of course as I would probably tell them not to help me anyway but I thought it was interesting.
Emma
We don't have a dishwasher, just a small sink and draining board in the corner of a kitchen that doesn't have much in the way of bench space. It's a bit yucky. The configuration also means that it's awkward for someone to wash and someone else to dry. We tend to let dishes air dry anyway.
In the old house we had a scullery (sink, space to stack dirty dishes and shelves for clean dishes in a little room with a window off the kitchen) and it was great. You could clear away the dishes and sit or work in the kitchen without having to look at them. It was also a very intimate space if someone was helping. And generally the place to be at or after parties.
In my ideal kitchen, I'd have a scullery with a dishwasher. It's hard to get everything really clean by hand - you have to concentrate and rinse well. Nonetheless, G doesn't like dishwashers and is quite passionate about it and he does do most of the dishes here. But it's not a task that brings any special harmony to the house. In a lot of ways, I'd really love a dishwasher once we redo the kitchen, but I'm pretty sure that stacking and unstacking would then become my job. So I guess we won't be getting one....
A provocative post!
I've often called my dishwasher my arch-nemesis. It doesn't always get stuff clean (and dries the leftovers into such a crust the dishes have to be soaked in order to be washed by hand) --- and the crumb tray? Ick. It's hard to reach it in order to clean it properly.
That said, I'm not sure that I'd want to want dishes by hand 3 meals a day for a family. There might be other ways to encourage that kind of family talk - clearing the table, cleaning up the kitchen in general, maybe going for a walk after a meal as a family.
I'm really enjoying these fabulous comments.
I agree that dish-washing can be a source of disagreement rather than sorting them out - one piece of research said hand-washing was a major cause of marital disharmony, but I think it was related to WHO did the dishes rather than doing them together.
I love Janet's scullery idea. I'd love a scullery and in a forthcoming renovation am planning to locate the laundry next to the kitchen with a huge sink to act as a second washing up area for large pots and pans.
Melinda, your idea of a group experiement is a great one. Anyone else in? We should name a week and report our findings at the end.
The dishwasher is a major source of disagreements in our household. I seem to be constantly screeching, "The bench is NOT the dishwasher, dirty dishes go into the dishwasher," at the girls. And then my husband and I disgree about the correct stacking method. Having said that, there is no way I'd be without one!
We also seem to generate at least one sinkload per day of non-dishwasher-able washing up...plastic containers from the lunchboxes, pots that are too large to fit in, plastic ricecookers or lettuce spinners, sieves. I sometimes convince my eldest to help me do those dishes.
Like Megan, I'm loving all the comments on this issue...and I'll be interested to see what The Mof has to say as I know she hasn't had a dishwasher for several years!
NO. N-O-, a big fat no!
There's many reasons for my loathing of handwashing, my icky/fear thingy of immersing my hands in water among them ( I also loate baths, and bathing my children - they learn to clean themselves quick smart by me pointing and instructing ! ) I was also used as slave labour after my parent's fabulous parties, and is also probably why I refuse to use the griller or own a deep fryer also. OMG, that GREASEy feeling, along with the water, OMG, I feel ill just thinking about it.
At girlfriends' houses, I would do anything to be the wiper/drier. Luckily I learnt most people preferred to wash.
And as for parties where I am expected to clean/wash up - I am insulted. Ever see a man in that kitchen? - no. Not to mention, it just ruins my good night, and i'd rather be out chatting and relaxing with the boys.
And ( finally ? ) I am anal about my kitchen and allow no-one else in it, to help, cook, clean, or put away. So I alone man/load/destack the dishwasher, and it doesn't bother me. I also like people to relax and have fun when we entertain - basically, how I want to be treated at the home of another.
When I first got mine, in our first home, after we renovated, I fell in love. That love has not waned and the dishwasher is mine if we ever divorce.
So yeah. Me & the dishwasher.
There's not turning back time on this lover.
oh - and yeah, as a child, it was just the chore related to fights, smacks, the occasional broken thing, and bad moods.
I prefer dinner as the social chatty part of the family day.
And Alison ?
EVERYTHING of mine goes in the diswasher - including some special china from AB's grandmother ( not dishwashable ) and all plastics. It's rare for something not to survive, but if it doesn't, it's in the recycling. We have no time here for items that do not like to be washed in the DW :)
I grew up with a dishwasher which is why I think I genuinely don't mind doing dishes. We kids only ever had to do them if we went on holidays. (Whereas I do have a horror of peeling potatoes which I think stems from the teenage years.) And I don't think Fixit was asked to do any household chores at all growing up so he's the same. So my take on this dilemma is be wary of what housework 'scars' you give your children! Look at poor H&B!
Being eternal renters we don't have a dishwasher and our division of labour seems to be I cook & he washes up and the dishes dry in the rack overnight. I think we could live like this quite happily, but we do find entertaining people a bore without a dishwasher. One of the reasons we tend not to do it!
I must confess your post made me wonder if I could legitimately involve the offspring in a little child labour now!
I wish we could join the experiment in reverse and have a dishwasher for a week to see if it made us happier!
After Alison's comment I feel obliged to air my views. We always had a dish washer in the past but 9 years ago when we sold a house and built a new one the dishwasher went with the sale and we thought we would put a new one in the new house once we recovered from all the other little expenses that go with a new house and had the space provided with the plumbing and electricity laid on -- and here we are 9 years later still without one! I may say we have a son-in-law who thinks we should have one but with only 2 in the house most of the time it is not justified!! I like to dry and B likes to wash so there is no problem, and especially before B retired it was a time to discuss things before he was back to the newspaper or consumed by the telly.
Contrary to Emma@ the Berry Patch I find that my Babyboomer + friends all congregate in the kitchen and help with the washing up. And nowadays I am not too proud to let them!!
When I was young there were three sisters - one to wash, one to dry and one to put away or so you would have thought, but there were always arguments about who should do what!
Congratulations on 50 posts. Keep it up.
When we were kids my brother and I were responsible for drying and putting away (our mother washed). We used to count the dishes. Whoever got their first got to count each piece of cutlery as the equal to each saucepan or plate.
We're better at teamwork these days, and less competitive.
I'm all in favour of guests helping with dishes (and I'm happy to help when I'm a guest) because otherwise the host (unless she is H&B) has to choose between waving everyone goodbye and then slaving some more, or getting up in the morning and slaving. If you do them collectively it's quick and you chat.
I have washed more dishes than I like to think about. I started about the age of six, and kept doing them. I'd come home from university and find I was expected to do all the dishes from the evening meal for nine people!
We got a dishwasher after my third child was born. I did all the dishes as my husband hated doing dishes. Did he think I liked doing them?
These days I do everything in the house and so there is no way I'd ever be without one.
I found that we could have good talks while preparing meals. Much more fun!
never had a dishwasher.... now the girls are older, they help a little with washing up, water everywhere, but its good practice!
When Major Dad went on his first 6month o/s posting and we received the first allowance payment, off I went to the shops and bought myself a dishwasher. There is no 'fun time' to be had after being by yourself all(every) day and finally getting the 13-18 month to sleep and then having to deal with a pile of dirty dishes - especially when you can say to yourself with no witnesses - "I'm too tired, I'll do them in the morning". WRONG! that's never a good idea.
Last year we bought a house that has an integrated dishwasher that looks good but is not very thorough. I still have the white dishwasher in the garage just waiting in the shadows for the pretty one to breakdown properly so it can reclaim its glory.
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