RSVP grumpiness

While we're on the subject of birthday parties (it's birthday party season in my household), let's talk about the etiquette of RSVPs.

My six year old is having a birthday party this weekend. Written invitations were mailed four weeks ago with a clearly marked RSVP date (one week prior to the party) and two options for RSVP (mobile phone or email).

Three days out from the party and four children were unaccounted for. So, I followed up with their parents. One is going away that weekend, another is coming to the party, the third has been off school ill and will let me know closer to the date (fair enough - although the party is tomorrow and I haven't heard so far), and the fourth I still haven't heard back from.

Then this morning a child who was one of the first to RSVP in the affirmative said to me at school drop off that she was sorry she can't come to the party as she is going to a friend's school fair. As her mother had RSVP'd so quickly and so definitely, this confused me and when I happened to see the mother in the school carpark on my way out, I asked her about her child telling me she's not coming (although I didn't mention the school fair bit).

"Ah, yes," she said. "She's been sick, so I'm just waiting to see if she's well enough to come to the party. I'll SMS you first thing tomorrow morning. She really wants to come if she can."

Okay then.

Call me old-fashioned, but I treat RSVP-ing seriously. When I say yes or no to something I do so before the date on the invitation and in the manner requested on the invitation. Both my girls have been taught that once something has been accepted you don't then change your mind if a better offer comes up. My oldest in particular has had a couple of occasions this year where she's missed good friend's parties or sleepovers because she was already committed elsewhere.

Before our time, a written invitation would have necessitated a written RSVP. Heck, even in my time, I can recall writing endless replies to friends' parents for invitations to 18th and 21st birthday parties.

Another school mum who has much older step-children tells me that organising 18th and 21st birthday parties nowadays is a nightmare, as no-one RSVPs in advance. Parents are left wondering how many exactly they are catering for, while the younger generation watch their mobile phones in case a better offer appears in their SMS in-box.

But then, perhaps they were the ones whose parents didn't RSVP to six year old birthday parties either.

Tell me, am I just grumpy and out of touch with the etiquette of today?

The party dilemma

“New York children grow up and have birthdays just as children do everywhere...but not quite. Forget Pin the Tail on the Donkey and Hide and Go Seek. Today’s most popular party game is Can You Top This? – with both parents and children as participating players. “Janie has a clown for her birthday, I want a clown that does magic tricks,” says one knowledgeable 4-year-old. Her mother complains, “The magician’s been done to death. We’ve got to find something new, something the children aren’t tired of, this year. This problem at age 4. And the parties get bigger, if not better than ever.”

Sound familiar? I've certainly heard parents saying similar things about parties here in Melbourne.

What may surprise you is that the above quote comes from an article written in 1969. (“The Party-Go-Round” by Claire Berman, New York magazine, 19 May 1969.)

While I imagined that the sixties were a time of pass-the-parcel and musical chairs at home, it seems (in New York at least) the party-go-round had already begun.

We recently celebrated my oldest daughter's 12th birthday at home with a group of 14 of her (girl) friends. By twelve, it seems they've done it all when it comes to parties - iceskating, theme parks, reptile shows, crazy hair, nail bars, fairy shops, even Gold Class movies...

So we fell-back on a bit of homegrown fun. We organised a 'reality team challenge' party - based on some of my daughter's favourite reality TV shows.

Four team challenges in four hours. Essentially, what they were doing was old-fashioned games and competition, just with an updated theme. It was a lot of fun, but it was also a lot of preparation work.

And this, I think, is how the party-go-round began. With parents increasingly time-poor, there just aren't the hours in the day to prepare games, bake food, make party bags and clean up afterwards.

Outsourcing the party looks a very attractive option. But with a limited number of entertainers and options, it does become a case of 'what's the next big thing?"

My youngest daughter has been to three parties this year with the same reptile show. It was great the first time, but even five year olds start to tire of the same old snakes on their shoulders and frogs on their heads.

It's very easy to say that all kids want is a pass-the-parcel, some fairy bread and a balloon to take home, but even the simplest of parties takes a good deal of organisation and preparation and with many families struggling to fit everything into their lives already, that may be just a parcel and a balloon too much.

Outsourcing or home-grown? What do you think?

Is 40 the new 25?

I turn 40 years old later today. (Yes, you can leave your birthday greetings in the comments box below...all gratefully received. Cheques attached especially valued...!)

Anyway, in the past few weeks I've thought quite a bit about what it means to turn 40. Am I past it? Am I over the hill? Am I...dare I say it...middle-aged?

In a timely and opportune moment, I spied a small article in The Age newspaper last week which showed that an Australian woman aged 40 is likely to have 44.8 years of life remaining (unfortunately, the on-line version of this article doesn't contain the graphic I refer to) although the article highlighted the sobering prediction that these longer than ever lifespans are also more likely to end in Alzheimer's disease.

Of course, one never knows what lies ahead, but with an average life expectancy for Australian women into their 80s I conclude that 40 is not even the half-way point.

So then I discovered some of the life expectancy calculators at various financial planning websites (I'll let you google those for yourself if you are interested: 'life expectancy calculators') and based on my responses to the various questions asked, was given an age into the 90s.

Which is a big contrast to women's lives before our time.

My great-great-grandmother was born in 1825 in a small Scottish village overlooking the valley of the River Forth. By the time she turned 40, she was married, had moved to another village just nine miles away and had given birth to her seventh child, a girl who was named after her mother.

Just over two years later in 1866, that child died. My great-great-grandmother was to give birth at home one more time, to another daughter (also named after her) and although the baby survived the delivery my great-great-grandmother did not. The cause given on her death certificate is exhaustion after delivery (8 hours).

The baby died two weeks later of atrophy.

It makes you appreciate the advances in medical science, now doesn't it?

So at 40, my great-great-grandmother was nearing the end of her life, a life which had possibly been confined to an extremely small geographic area. A life without electricity, or telephones, or television, or (gasp!) the internet. A life in which advancements like aeroplanes, motor cars and space exploration wouldn't have been even dreamt of. A life in which there were no antibiotics to combat infections, and diseases such as smallpox were still prevalent (another of my great-great-grandmothers died of smallpox in 1872 in Glasgow). A life in which a lot about the world just wasn't understood (another great-great-grandmother died from lead poisoning before she was 40 from the water she drank running off lead-laden hills).

Most importantly, it was a life in which women were much more limited in their choices than we are today.

Compared with life before our time, turning 40 nowadays seems quite a young and fortunate age, indeed. In terms of my great-great-grandmothers' lives, it's more like turning 25.

Happy 25th birthday to me!